What do we expect from our clients in the coaching meeting?  What do we think they expect from us?  What do they actually expect from us?  Mismatched expectations cause problems in any relationship.  In a coaching relationship they can be detrimental to the client, the coach and the coaching relationship itself.  I see this most often in newly trained coaches, who feel that they don't have enough experience to 'be a good coach'.   They feel the client expects them to solve all their problems, and they don't feel adequate to the task. I felt it myself when I first certified, and it results in feeling uncomfortable or even scared to bring on a new client.  It took a couple of years before I realized that the clients don't actually expect their problems to be solved.  What they really want is a safe place to reflect, and hope for a better life.  

What do coaches think clients expect from us?  That we solve all their problems?  That we ask evocative questions that transform their lives every time we open our mouths?  That we are brilliant, wise and have all the answers?

The truth is that they don't expect any of that from us.  In fact, most clients are very wrapped up in their own issues, and simply having the space to work through their thoughts is what they most need and want.  They are not worried about if the question the coach just asked was brilliant.  They are busy thinking through their answers, or unraveling their thoughts, or contemplating new perspectives.  These may have been in response to what the coach asked or observed, or they may be emanating from the coaching relationship, the silence and the caring cocoon spun by the coach.

Clients do not need coaches to solve their problems.  They need coaches to model for them how to create space for their own well-being and reflection, to work with them to find out what is important, and what works for the client to overcome their blocks.  They feel out on a limb in the forest of life, alone and without a lifeline.  They need someone to walk out on the limb, sit beside them and work with them to move towards their meaningful and fulfilling life.

This means that, while coaches are critical to the process of client transformation, this is not due to us asking brilliant questions and making deep, witty observations.  It is due to the ability of the coach to create an environment of unconditional caring and acceptance that invites the client to share their deepest thoughts and develop the best version of themselves.  In this field of supportive and caring energy surrounding the client and the coach, the client is free to find their answers and create the incredible life they have the potential to live. 

This means any coach who is well-trained in the competencies and who fully understands creating trust and safety and coaching presence is able to be of immense help to their clients.  There is no reason to worry that "I don't have enough experience to be a good coach" as long as the coach knows how to fully care for and respect their client.  Being a good coach is partnering with the client in curiosity and love as they journey towards self-awareness.

Brilliant questions and deep, witty observations will come with time and experience, and really all they do is shorten the conversation.  However, being able to create that caring, respectful coaching relationship where the answers truly lie is the precious gift we give every one of our clients.